All Groaned Up

I think I have finally grown up. After 14 years of marriage, this is how it is..

~ We used to keep lots of beer & wine in the kitchen fridge. That’s all been replaced with juice, water, & lemonade. The beer & wine now have their own fridge, rack and location!

~ Occasionally we might finally go to sleep at 6:00 am in the morning – that only happens during the Olympics every four years.
Yes, that was me: The one calling the police because that darn house over in the next valley had ‘doof doof’ music playing at 3.00am in the morning – and I have to work tomorrow!

~ Our work commitments are so busy that we now have to get our diaries together to find a time where our employers will allow it.

~ We dress in jeans to go to dinner with family or friends. The last time I wore a full-suit was to someone’s grandma’s funeral. I have forty ties that will never be worn again, and umpteen pairs of slacks that will be donated away very soon.

~ When we hear our wedding song in an elevator, we don’t dance to it any more. We still smile at each other, but we have managed to convince each other that elevator-dancing is somewhat embarrassing.

~ The bathroom potted may survive:
We named them last winter, & suddenly they perked up. I think she is feeding them the water from her contact-lenses, you know, just after she puts them in. George & Martha are now spreading their wings, and growing toward the top of the mirror.

~ She keeps an umbrella, spare car keys, and numerous train-tickets in her shoulder bag. I keep a CD of photographs of the house-hold contents, a X-large rain-jacket, & a (flat!) mobile phone on me at all times.

~ Our friends have reached that time of their lives when ‘girlfriend‘ and ‘boyfriend‘ are considered childish terms. Instead – we now have ‘partners’, whether they be short-term or for life.

~ My father is no longer uncomfortable telling sex jokes around me. Even when my wife is standing next to me.

~ I have no idea what time Blockbuster, KFC, MacDonald’s close – but Subway & Boost Juice are open at 7.30am because I walk past them on the way to work.

~ The kittens are now cats, and eat fresh Kangaroo meat bought in bulk, instead of the canned crap in the pink cans.

~ Six hours is now the minimum amount of hours needed each night.

~ When we go out to dinner for a table-for-two, it is not a precedent for a ‘ good‘ night at home. After eating, drinking, paying Dutch, we go home to sleep. I mean sleep, not that!

~ The news now comprises of real events, not who won the MTV awards, nor whose been chatting with the world on Facebook or Twitter.

~ We go to the pharmacist for toothbrushes & multi-vitamin tablets.

~ We purchase wine by the bottle, not the cask. Sometimes we get a box of eight bottles, or four boxes of red’s and white’s! Oh, and we complain when we are served wine from a cask, because the taste is now notability different!

~ We eat porridge & muesli – instead of coco-pops & pizza.

~ We avoid ‘junk-food-aisle‘ at the supermarket, and spend more time in the vegetables, meats, & pasta aisles. Chocolate is now a luxury, not a must-have. Well, for me at least. I know she still dabbles in that stuff.

~ “I just can’t drink the way I used to!” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again!“

~ The PlayStation is collecting dust, and I haven’t even considered upgrading to a Playstation2.

~ I would rather drink at home, then be intoxicated by smoke-machines, drunken 26yo wannabe’s, and drunken hooligans in Hindley Street. At home, I can fall asleep whenever I feel like, & know my wallet will still be where I left it when I wake up.