Goodbye Hurts. So Let’s Keep Walking.

When I was about ten years old, I quietly made a promise to myself that I never wanted to say goodbye to anyone ever again.

At the time, it seemed like a sensible promise. Goodbyes hurt. They leave an empty space where someone used to be. So as a child I simply assumed that if I could avoid goodbyes, I could avoid the pain that came with them. Looking back now, I realise that it was a promise no child could ever keep.

Forty-seven years later, life has shown me otherwise.

I’ve had to say goodbye to a marriage that lasted almost three decades. Every few nights I leave my ex-wife’s house after spending time with our boys. I give them a hug, say, “See you later,” and begin the short walk home. It’s often during that walk that the silence catches up with me. The goodbye itself only lasts a few seconds, but the feeling can linger much longer.

It has taken me a while to understand that the sadness isn’t just about today. Every goodbye seems to wake up that ten-year-old boy who believed he could somehow protect himself from loss. Of course, none of us can. Life is full of endings, changes and unexpected turns. We all say goodbye to people, places, jobs, dreams and chapters of our lives, whether we’re ready or not.

What I’ve slowly realised is that maybe I’ve been focusing on the wrong word.

Instead of avoiding saying goodbye, I need to become better at saying hello.
Hello to a different chapter of life.
Hello to living on my own.
Hello to discovering who I am outside of being a husband.
And hello to accepting that life can still be meaningful, even when it doesn’t look the way I imagined.

Most importantly, I’m saying hello to a different way of being a dad.

I may not see my sons every day anymore, but I’m still their father. We still laugh together, share Minecraft ideas, and enjoy each other’s company.

We may no longer walk the same path every single day, but we’re still on the same journey. That’s become more important to me than living under the same roof.

Don’t leave yet – there is a sub-article on the next page!