15 Ways to End the World

If you’re like me, and I hope there’s plenty, you would rather watch the Earth implode than see Trump in office much longer.

Here’s a list I have adapted to display all the apocalyptic scenarios that are somehow less-horrifying than the next four years of incoherent speeches, diet-coke fueled executive orders, and stolen personal data.

OK, slightly late on any of that, yet it’s still conceivable that one of these could help fix the problems Americans will suffer.

1. Move the moon closer to Earth.
   Yes, it would trigger catastrophic tsunamis and earthquakes, but at least we wouldn’t have to endure another round of “Witch Hunt!” tweets as democracy gets casually dismantled.
2. Remove the Van Allen Belts.
   Cosmic radiation would mutate life beyond recognition, but honestly, we’ve already seen what happens when conspiracy theorists mutate into a voting base.
3. Release a planet-wide super-plague.
   Unstoppable bacteria might wipe us out, but at least the CDC wouldn’t have to fight an administration claiming we could just “inject bleach” as a solution.
4. Tilt Earth’s axis beyond 23°.
   No seasons, just permanent ice sheets and deserts – frankly, a smoother climate plan than anything Trump ever proposed.
5. Suck oxygen from the atmosphere.
   Sure, we’d suffocate, but we’d also never hear another rally where he says “China” like he’s physically trying to swallow his own tongue.
6. Drain 2% of the sun’s energy.
   The planet would freeze solid, but at least climate change denial wouldn’t be a political stance anymore – it’d be a personal crisis.
7. Turn all salt on Earth into something else.
   Without salt, all food would taste like cardboard, but hey, at least we wouldn’t have to swallow another one of his post-indictment fundraising emails.
8. Slow Earth’s rotation.
   Longer days and nights would result in apocalyptic conditions, but still less exhausting than four more years of incoherent press briefings.
9. Drop a black hole into the solar system.
   Sure, it’d rip Earth to shreds, but better that than watching Fox News spend another decade explaining why being indicted multiple times is actually “presidential.”
10. Just let humanity keep doing its thing.
    Between nuclear war, environmental collapse, and social media, we’re already on a fast track to destruction – why stop now?
11. Fill the oceans with PRIME instead of water.
    Sure, all marine life would die, but at least we wouldn’t have to watch Trump throw paper towels at disaster victims like he’s in some dystopian game show.
12. Replace or convert all the oxygen with laughing gas.
    The world would be filled with uncontrollable, manic laughter – which is still a more rational reaction than watching another Trump-ian speech.
13. Let AI take over completely.
    This is expected by the humans that believe reality is based on the movies, or maybe the other way around. So let it happen.
14. Melt the polar ice caps.
    Flood every major city in the world. At least it would drown out the sound of Rudy Giuliani explaining election fraud conspiracies.
15. Launch the entire planet into deep space.
    Yes, we’d freeze and suffocate, but at least we’d be light-years away from another “covfefe” moment. Alas, there would be no more real coffee. :(

Would the world be ending? Yes. Yet would it be better than seeing Trump’s face again? Absolutely.

Here’s an important point about these suggestions: Nothing in this list directly suggests pain or suffering to Trump and his cronies. We’d all suffer together. Like we are right now. So let’s all be satirical together.