Branding the Australian Brain

ACNielsen have determined some amazing facts about Aussie Males, specifically how men manage their appearance.

In July this year they managed to convince a few million Australian men to confess their spending habits on clothing, accessories, hair care products, magazines and beer. Amazingly, the report shows nothing about their preference in women or anything about whether they preferred sausage-rolls or meat pies. Not even a survey that asked what ‘footy’ team they barracked for, not even whether the Holden or Ford were parked in their garage.

It totally shocked me that their report uncovered that the average Aussie bloke is a new-age metrosexual snag. Well, you tell me that these results don’t say that!

Aussie males gripped by appearance and image
– Over two million Aussie males (aged 14+) try to look stylish at all times
– One in three purchasing designer shoes, sunglasses and wallets
– Significant sales growth for male skincare (up 75%), men’s lifestyle magazines, premium and low-joule beer and top-shelf spirits
– Ad spend for toiletries and hair care in five leading men’s magazines worth over $3million

Would these results be a consequence of women’s rights? Now that more women are in the workforce and becoming leaders in their fields, men are fast becoming the stay-at-home parent and the lesser-paid partner.

The results show that most responses came from UNmarried men.

This may suggest that men are truly aware of the need to impress to attract work-hard-die-hard women.

As scary as it sounds, these same men are referring to the magazines they rely on for ‘visual stimulation’ to give them information about skin and hair care. No, not for their girlfriends or wives – but to make themselves better looking.

What does this suggest?

Maybe these men are “between relationships”, an urban-slang more commonly used for the unemployed, therefore they need all the help they can muster to begin to have a chance of attracting the type of women they prefer but have no hope at all in attaining!

A colorful image outlines the interesting products these interviewees purported to purchasing for their personal gratification. “Nads for Men” and “Restoria Express Hair Colorant”. Wow! These men must be having a go both ways, so to speak. “Remove or enhance, the brand type is the question.”

Thankfully the report does talk about the most important item in the Australian man’s diet: Beer and Spirits.

Apparently our taste for the amber fluid has increased by 4-percent throughout the year, whereas last years growth was 10-percent. The launch of Carlton Pure Blonde, a low-joule beer, had a 310-percent increase in sales. Yet another example that blondes have more fun with Aussie blokes!

Turns out our passion for liquor is strong. A 11.2 percent growth this year whereas it was a measly 5.8-percent last year. At least it was all the good stuff: JD, JW and WD. Apparently it includes “Absolute” – but all real men knows that’s a girlie-drink.

I feel better now. Being an Aussie bloke isn’t so bad after all.

Chuck me another meat pie and sauce, rip me another can from the slab of Fosters babe, and hand me the remote control – the football is about to start. Vacuum? Clean? Iron clothes? The survey didn’t mention these things! Maybe next month honey!