BIG changes to my life.

A BIG change is happening in MY life.

It’s been necessary for about 10 years. But I didn’t know it until mid 2022, and really hit home in early 2023.

What brought this one? A few big moments happened: The first broke my spirit and self confidence, the next broke my heart, and another made me question the intelligence of humanity.

Worst of all I realised that I had nearly lost connection with my wife and kids. But most of all I had lost connection with my REAL self. It was an eye opening moment for me.

All of this knocked me around for a while.

My emotional state spiraled between depression, anxiety and general fatigue. I have been so tired from spending too many nights dwelling on where my life was heading, trying to work out when it went bad, and how I was going to change.

After a few chats with family and friends (thank you all!), plus qualified professionals, and analyzing my own life wants and expectations, I arrived at the conclusion that I can get over this. Yet it will take time.

I had to break my own mind to realise this is but a hurdle in my life and that that I can win back the people I almost lost, plus my inner-spirit and happiness.

So I decided to set NEW expectations, set new standards, and either find the OLD me or create a NEW me.

I decided to do a bit of both. Because OLD me was now a little thinner, a lot happier, but NEW me had new skills and life-experiences.

This is the list I compiled one Wednesday morning:

• • I am aim to be a better father. To be their aspiration, to provide life skills, to listen when they cry, to provide proper answers to their pains, to join in with their games, to enjoy quality time with them.
  • I want to be a better husband. A companion, a confidant, a composed and confident man who could lead and/or stand beside my life-partner. To listen to her ideas, to love her smile, to appreciate her parenting skills.
  • I want to meet happy people and make new friends.
  • I am improving my health – both in mind (learn new skills), body (eat and exercise better) and spirit (happiness and health).
  • I am redefining what my personal success is, and then putting in the work to maintain and keep the things that are IMPORTANT to ME in good shape.

These are what’s important in my life right now. I have to keep all FIVE in healthy shape.

I’ve discovered that if I do NOT take good care of them, if I don’t keep up maintenance on them, ONE of them is going to get weak. I am not a quitter, so this will happen.

Yet whilst I liked to re-engage with the real world and get human interaction, some days I just prefer to read or garden at home. Which is why I am not giving my time and energy to toxic and overly-negative people and addictive behavior  any more – so I can focus on being the me I prefer to be.

Consequently I have SIX more to add to my list!

• • • • I am WORKING towards spending more TIME connecting with my wife and kids, yet taking MORE time to be with me. To find the me I used to be. Because that’s going to be healthy for me.
      • I’ve learnt that having too many activities steals time, steals energy, steals MY identity, steals my soul and a little piece of me dies with each one.
      • I am getting rid of the wasted time. Decreasing the activities. Removing the online social activities that mean nothing to the REAL me.
      • I am giving myself a break, a solid break so I can find who and where I need to be.
      • I will find and make good on all the promises and obligations I made to myself. With my consciousness, with my heart, with my sometimes confused brain.
      • I still have time to complete all the dreams I have. These are the few dreams that will actually help me move forward, escape, and spend more time being ME.

But I know that even if I don’t succeed these goals, there will be no loss, there won’t be any lost time, and I won’t be any less happy. Because they are MY choice, they are MINE to succeed. They impact nobody else UNLESS I let them. Some will remain my secret whether I win or lose, some will be noticed – yet that doesn’t matter. This is my life.

Nobody will throw a party if I abide by them, and nobody is going to arrest nor gaol me if I break my own rules. I might. I may not. Because thankfully I am am both my own worst enemy and my best friend. I will take account for my actions, not anyone else – unless I tell them.

So it’s ALL ON ME.

I will do my best unless the destination exceeds my perceived capability, when my reach exceeds my grasp, and when the finish line is beyond my life span.

Thankfully the adventure never ends – because we are always on the way.

The journey will be more fun than reaching the destination.

NOTE: NOT AI Generated. All my own words.